“Hey! What did you say to my girlfriend?”
“What?”
“I saw you talking to her, you don’t talk to her, got it?!”
“I was just asking her where the cereal aisle was.”
“I don’t give a f*** what you said, you don’t talk to her. Look at me! Don’t you walk away from me! F****** piece of sh**, let’s go. You wanna go?”
Despite what most people think, bullies don’t just hang out on schoolyards and in biker bars.
They can be the guy who calls you out in the grocery store checkout line… the hothead who confronts you in the parking lot for “taking his spot”… or the drunken jock at a concert whose toes you stepped on by accident…
With bullies, you’re often instantly thrust into a confrontation you never saw coming — and things happen fast.
Your best defense is always to try and de-escalate the situation.
I know, I know… it sounds difficult, right?
Especially when this pumped-up meathead is sticking his chin in your face… his finger in your chest… and spitting insults at you, trying as hard as he can to get you to fight.
Well, it’s not impossible — IF you understand some sneaky psychological tricks to short-circuit his aggression…
Now let’s talk about what you need to do if you want to stay out of the hospital and avoid getting beaten half to death in a confrontation you never saw coming.
1. Show No Fear
This is a big one…
Don’t deny this guy’s existence — don’t ignore him — but don’t back down either.
He’s looking for any little sign that you think he’s better than you or that you think you’re better than him.
Your only chance of getting out without a fight is to put both of you on a level playing field.
Don’t spit back at him… breathe deeply… keep a cool head… make direct, soft eye contact… and talk calmly to him.
If he sees you’re in control of yourself and not just rolling over to let him manhandle you, he’ll wonder why.
That “unknown” will send him a subliminal message that you’re not an easy mark and things may not work out the way he was hoping.
You may find him quickly calm down to your level — especially if you follow these other tactics…
2. Show Respect
You’re right… he doesn’t deserve your respect.
After all, HE’S the one up in your face for no reason, accusing you of all kinds of stuff you didn’t do.
He’s an a**hole and you’re minding your own business.
Doesn’t matter.
If you attack him, insult him or threaten him, you will trigger his weak self-image.
He IS weak — he’s a bully after all, and they’re all cowards — but he’s scared of his own cowardice, and he will fight you just to prove to himself (and to everyone watching him) that he’s not a coward and not afraid of your threats.
So don’t give him a reason to fight.
Again, stay calm.
Talk to him the way you’d talk to your boss if he was accusing you of stealing the company money.
Deny your involvement. Be rational. But do not… lose… your… cool…
And then…
3. Give Him an Out
This is where YOU actually take control of what happens next…
If you have to, apologize — even for something you didn’t do.
“I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean to disrespect you.”
Give him a way to exit the situation with the feeling that he “won” the confrontation — even though he didn’t fight you.
Forget your own ego.
I’ve seen confrontations rise up, get de-escalated by the person being attacked and then suddenly flare up again just when the bully was ready to walk out the door — because the victim just HAD to save face by muttering an insult under their breath.
Look, you’re better than he is.
You know it. (Hell, he knows it.)
He’s running around trying to start fights and you’re living like an adult, getting your business done.
You don’t need to prove anything to him.
You know who you are.
You know exactly how to handle this situation.
So handle it.
4. Be Ready to Go
Look… 99% of the time, these strategies will de-escalate the fight and let you both walk away unscathed.
But that last 1% is out there — the guy who won’t back down no matter what.
The guy who’s just itching for a fight and doesn’t care what you say — especially if he’s twice your size and thinks you’re an easy target like the guy in this video…
Watch this video of a real-life “bully confrontation”…
Can you spot the red flags this scumbag was sending in this confrontation?
Can you see what mistakes the victim made as this bully was up in his face?
If you want to come out of every confrontation alive and well, you need to know exactly when it’s time to fight.
When you spot the warning signs — and know that there’s only one way out — you gotta act fast:
Strike first, strike hard and don’t stop until he’s no longer a threat.
